Hey. The name is Amirah. They call me Amirah or Mira.
No other. My life is full of choices.
No one can stop me from doing wat i want.
Am currently working but i have the urged to continue study again.
Im in a complicated relationship currently but i love my BF so much!
I hope he reciprocate my feelings too!

MY BF AND ME!

MY DEAREST FRENDS OF ALL!

FIZA

NURUL

MY BABY BRO!

Wuhan's Blog


layout: * etoile filante
colours: mintyapple
icons: cablelines
background: materialisti-c

I had lost myself in a relationship, I envy people, whom have someone to embrace your momentum. I, as a girl, is dwelled in a relationship where I cannot show anger. I wonder why, but I solve the mystery. I looked upon the vast blue sky, saw birds fly high... my mind soaring blind. I breathe, but my soul no longer believe. I no longer am hopeful... I had chose to just live like this, be his bliss. I want to be the reason he's happy.

But what am I?,
Hello...little Miss Weakling
I miss you.. That no words could ever describe. :'(

Everytime i felt like theres no way out.. Ur the only place i turn to.. Seriously.... Im lost, confused..
Is it even my fault in the ferst place??
Do i deserve to be treated like this??
In the ferst place u are the one ranting evry sgl damn thing to me.. And i as a frend i only spoke out of wat was in my mind.. But the part where it got me pissed was when u called her a 'plain frend'.. Seriously... If u are able to call ur own 'ex' as a plain frend whats more me???
That was wat was in my mind... But den again.. U call that evade ur privacy?? Wtf are u talking about??? Do u even realised??? Think laa kie..

All the time when i did all i could to help u.. And this is the kind of treatment i get?? Why cnt u be angry at jo?? Why me??

Seriously, it really hurts me alot.. I sit at home crying.. Feeling really lost. Do u eve bother?? When im all vexed on my family situation, do u bother?? No wat.. And when u have problems, we were all there.. Is that fair?? Is that hw u treat ur frend??

I juz wish that ONE DAY, u wld regret and it will definitely struck u on wat i have done all these while.. U put personal into work.. And then u twist and turn ur words.. Fuck!!!! Really FML!!!!!

Hey yo!! Its been long since i last posted something here. So yaa as u can see its 18 days to my 'BIG DAY'. As usual, i can predict myself werking again.. Nothing new... =( Aint gg to have any change. Just that there'll be new people whom i can have fun with. New people to hang out with on my big day. But its ok. They've been all along by my side since HE left. I still do miss him. I miss him sooo much.. SO SO MUCH.. I need him by my side now. I really do. Gosh.. Even as i am typing down. I do feel my tears at the tip of my eyes. Haiz. Why do things have to go this way? Why this way? Why now? Why cant he be with me forever? Why?? I wouldnt be this way, with him around... I know i have change.. so much.. im not a clubber, but i am now. Im not a drinker, but i am now.. Im not use to be this way, but i am now. Eversince he left. I needed him so much now. I just feel like hugging him tightly and just tell him that he will always be with me in my heart. He will always be mine forever. Till now, i still cant accept the fact. He left me for good. Not a sgl word. If you were to ask me whats my birthday wish this year... I wish and wish so much that he come back to me. Well i know it is impossible. It can nvr be the truth. He's belonged now AMIRAH. Get over it!!!! FML!!!!!!!! Ive tendered my work over at STL.. Finally.. I had the couraged to do so. I felt i needed to leave the place in order for me to get over him. Ive had too much hurt. Too much.. The moment i see him, i juz could not control my feelings. Am starting werk over at some places. Not to be known here. Well thats all for now. Will rant more if i had the time. XOXO Love you always baby.

Im just so confuse..
Im starting to love u..
Im starting to miss u evryday..
Im starting to like evry single thing u do..
But.. I just dun get wat u feel for me..
Tell me.. Do u feel anything for me??

I need u at this point of time..
I need ur love..
I need ur care..
I need ur hugs..
I need ur kisses..
But u shun me away..

I felt lost..
I need u so much..
I miss ur kisses so much..

do you know what happens if you're too much in love with someone?
love, this very strong and special feeling.
possess positive power,
that can be too deadly too.

love,
once lost....

can make you suicidal,
you cant take the thought that one day you will live without this person whom you love.
who made up your life.

it'll make you suicidal,
becauese the world will look freaking distorted.
the unfairness you felt...
bitter like poison.

it'll make you suicidal,
for food,something to sustain our life.
becomes repulsive.
where all our appetite melts & evaporates.

it'll make you suicidal,
because you turn into a loser in an instant.
you would find no energy and attention to keep up with your appearance.
for he once love this physicality of you...
but now he turned his back.
what reason or excuse can you fetch,
to look into the mirror.

it'll make you suicidal,
because you're afraid of the radio.
you are constantly tensed with the begining of every song,
worried,
it was that song that you both once sing & hum together.

it'll make you suicidal,
because you cant take the sight of happiness squandered by strangers.
because laughter becomes an annoyance.

it'll make you suicidal,
because your heart aches so much...so intensely...
every breath is so straining,
every blink of the eyes purged with the drowning of tears...

love,
Powerful.
be it positive or negative.
good & evil.

and i have lost the correct grip to handle this grasp properly.

Goodbye my friend.. Hope you have a wonderful journey ahead.

I just dont understnd why..
People whom i trusted most, i love most, just dont give me a damn on anything anymore.

One moment they could come to you and say they love you, they miss you and the next they just change.

Here i am trying so hard to keep things low, to try to not let people know. But there you are just refused to accept anything. Its true when people say, sometimes its better to stay as frendsy then being a lover.

I could just swear to god that i do not have any hidden intention and i just dont have any bad agenda.

I could say that ive started to love you more than him. But this is the treatment you're giving me. Im just so sad. Dissappointed. I thought you would be able to understnd me more than anyone else.

My parents treating me like some dumps. My bf treating me like shit and you on the other hand giving me a cold shoulder. Sometimes i just feel that dying is defintely a solution out. I just cant bear to face this situation anymore. It is just so hurting.

But what you didnt know till now is that photos of us that we ever took together, i HAVE NEVER deleted it AT ALL. Ive even posted it as a wallpaper but removed it soon after as i do nt want people to think differently.

current mood: Sleepy, tired, Cranky current address: ALB current location: In office current pose: Sitting on all time favourite office chair I am feeling super bored now. Haiz. My baby turtle is on a mission trip to Phillipine and im TOTALLY bored. I kept thinking of what he might be doing now. How's the food? How's the place? The perception that is on my mind potrays that the place is hay wire, dirty, very lengendary eversince after he told me of the typhoon. Im worried sick. Haizz... But anyway, he will be coming back this Saturday. I am just waiting for his arrival. Well anyway, here's my thought which id like to convey today. All my time, i spend it in feeling, trying to capture a specific emotion. Where i can write down and convey in words. inspire myself,taking a new level in my life. But too much worries lead me,normally to no where. My fantasy pulls me away from reality. And when the world of truth crashes in, i hurt myself,fall and cry. Wonder how long these days will last. Walking forward each day,towards the destination of self discipline.\ Searching,ravaging. just like trash not picked up,rotten will it be. pest attracted,pestering me. pesticide in need,massacre to occur or trouble will hog forever. While all my poems will be infused with sadness and disclarity.

What did i do to deserve this from you??
What did i do to deserve those mean treatment from you??
I gave you everything.
I gave you all the love, the care, the understanding you need.

I just cnt take it anymore. I just had to say it and im sorry.
I had to leave you. You hurt me enough. Is it wrong to be celebrating my friends birthday. Just the way you celebrated your friends birthday?
Yet today you said crude words to me. You left me with no choice.

I just broke down. I don't know what to do. Am i doing the right thing? Is my leave really an impact to you? You have not even msged me a thing. What am i??? Damn it!!!! It hurts soo much!!

What is it about me? That I have this heart of compare. What is it about me that I have this playful character. What is it about me that my heart is gracious yet so small in containing. I tried ways and means to tell myself that it is only me, only me. That is of the outmost importance. I know me, that is important. What is it about me that flaunting seems to be the resort I use to gain acknowledgement. What is it about me, that my mouth needs to constantly educate people about me What it it about me , that I find it a must to share my story with everyone. It worries me , Am I unhappy? Am unconfident? Am I desperate for attention? This day, I awaken upon this negative behavior. This is my life, and I am for myself. For the people that love me, And in turn taught me how to love. I need to master humble living. I need to fill myself up with positive contemplate I need to understand that many basic facts, that,indeed, I am living splendid days. in my very own perspective I need to learn to view and speak truth. I need to change for the better thus I can move with improvement Dearest, oh me, myself. Live your life, live a life where my personal thoughts is the biggest. The most fulfilled feeling comes from my complacency. Live every moment for myself and not from people’s acknowledgement. Behind every face is a story, a hidden diary. Only for myself, my diary. its okay to be happy living within one's self.

Like a piece of trash,

you left me behind.

like training a dog,

u fancy scaring me with your actions.

those facial expressions....

i still recall,

yesterday... what damage you had done to my heart.

emotions had u evoked ,

well executed .

sent me into a spiral of fear and sadness.

what causes those drooling tears of salted bitterness.

my voice choked with lingering agony.

maybe u spoke too much,

you should not have committed so much to me.

because now,

your actions is slapping me.

slapping my belief, or so i thought.

slapped it swollen and bled.

i handed you a mended heart,

and u chose to slit through those plasters.

baby, if u knew u stole my smile away.

would u kindly return them to me?

for it took me many big efforts to build them from before,

When you slowly acknowledge, And contemplate to being alone. Shouldn’t there be a light of independence? Yet I seem to dwell into a space of dimmer lights. I am slowly losing my touch in the world of relationships. Fantasy creeping into me, Pulling me back to history. My heart pumps for simpler memories of childhood. My brain spins for the fairytale of nature and me. Just the world of wonder, no humans, And me, myself Just like the girl living in the forest. Beauty lies in the exact moment I look into the mirror If I felt good, what difference does the external matter? Life, with all its ups and downs Draining yet inspiring Maybe my time has yet to arrive I slowly wait and anticipate Kindness will get me through Improvement will get me further Being alone will not make me shatter.

Only a few moments left but i still think he doesnt understnd. He's juz totally ignorant. Very ignorant. Wat else can i do? I came up to look for him. And he cn listen to music while werkin and cn also sms someone.
Not knowing my presents i sneak bhind him and look over his msg.
Im furious. He was shocked. I saw his msges. Haiz. Very devasted. Really. Wat am i to u? Really?. Haiz wat else cn i do?

Any moment, any minute, any day, i cld be losing him. How does that feel? Doesnt he feel anitink? Doesnt he feel scared? Doesnt he feel the way i feel?
Im scared. I really am. Im afraid of losing him. There goes evrytink in my life. Eveytink. My moral, my pillar. Eveytink. But does he feel the same way? I doubt so. I really doubt so. Haiz. It hurts so much living like this it hurts.

hello.


- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Love Don't Cost A Thing lyrics

Think you gonna keep me iced, you don?t
Think I?m gonna spend your cash, I won?t
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing

Think I wanna drive your Benz, I don?t
If I wanna floss, I got my own
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing

When you rolled up in the escalade
Saw the dub you gave to the valet
Knew that it was game when you looked at me
Pullin' up your sleeve so I could see the rolley bling

Saw you later in the corner booth
Raisin' up a toast so I would notice you
But your heart?s amiss
Think you outta know
Doesn?t matter if you?re ballin' out of control

All that matters is
That you treat me right
Give me all the things I need
That money can?t buy yea

Think you gonna keep me iced, you don?t
Think I?m gonna spend your cash, I won?t
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing

Think I wanna drive your Benz, I don?t
(Ooh)
If I wanna floss I got my own
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing

When I took a chance
Thought you?d understand
(You)
(Can't)
Baby credit cards aren?t romance
So you?re tryna' buy what?s already yours
(Understand)
What I need from is not available in stores

Seen a side of you that I really feel
(You)
(Feel)
Doing way too much, never keep it real
(Much)
(Real)
If it doesn?t change, gotta hit the road
Now I?m leaving, where?s my keys?
I?ve got to go

All that matters is
That you treat me right
Give me all the things I need
That money can?t buy yea

Think you gonna keep me iced, you don?t
Think I?m gonna spend your cash, I won?t
(Baby)
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing
[ From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/j/jennifer-lopez-lyrics/love-don_t-cost-a-thing-lyrics.html ]
(Love don?t cost a thing)

Think I wanna drive your Benz, I don?t
If I wanna floss, I got my own
(Ooh)
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing
(Love don?t cost a thing, a thing, a thing)

Yea, yea, yea
You think the money that you make
(That you make)
Can substitute the time you take
(The time you take)
Take the keys here to my heart
Then you can win my heart, and get what?s in my heart
(Oh ho)

(Hey)
I think you need to take some time
To show me that your love is true
(Ooh)
There?s more than dollar signs in you
Then you can win my heart, and get what?s in my heart
(My heart)

Think you gonna keep me iced, you don?t
Think I?m gonna spend your cash, I won?t
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing
(Love don?t cost a thing)

Think I wanna drive your Benz, I don?t
If I wanna floss, I got my own
(Got my own)
Even if you were broke
My love
(Even if you were broke)
Don?t cost a thing
(Love don?t cost a thing)

Think you gonna keep me iced, you don?t
Think I?m gonna spend your cash, I won?t
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing
(Love don?t cost a thing)

Think I wanna drive your Benz, I don?t
(Think I wanna no)
If I wanna floss, I got my own
(If I wanna no)
Even if you were broke
My love
Don?t cost a thing
(Love don't cost a thing)

(Ooh)
Think you gonna keep me iced, you don?t
(Think I gonna no)
Think I?m gonna spend your cash, I won?t
(If I wanna no)
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing

Think I wanna drive your Benz, I don?t
(Think I wanna no)
If I wanna floss, I got my own
(If I wanna no)
Even if you were broke
My love don?t cost a thing

Dimanerkah kau sygku.. I miss u badly. I want so much to see u right now. I know ur only coming back tomorrow. I'll be waiting for you at the airport tomorrow. Haiz. Am i making the right decision?? BEfore u left me, u wanted so much to see me at the airport tomorrow when u come back. Haiz. But wat if uve change?? but what if i wait for nothing? But what if ur not coming back tomorrow?
I really hope so u keep to your promise.. U promised to be with me forever. U promised not to leave me animore. U promised to marry me. I hold to all that. PLease dun dissappoint me animore love.
I'll be there tomorrow right where u want me to. Please come back. I would love to hug u badly.
I have something for u. I will give it to you tomorrow. Please i pray hard that u dun change and i pray hard that u come back tomorrow.

I love you so much, Herman.

As much as i hate you but my heart just seems to grow fonder of u. I juz cnt explain why. You're like my lifeline. Without you i will die. Everyday without fail, i would read eery single of your letters. I cant live without you. Alangkah baik kalau kite dapat bersame lagi.. Alangkah baik kalau kite dapat bersame buat slame2nyer.

Aku ingin sgt melihat wajahmu. Sebrape rindunyer kau terhadapku, aku juga begitu. Aku ingin sgt berade disisimu. Aku tau bahawe kite sudah tidak mempunyai harapan lagi utk bersame. Knaper kau maseh berdegil memberiku harapan sebegini. Aku telah cube. Aku telah cube utk melupakan kau. Aku telah cube utk menyayangi orang lain, tapi aku tidak berdaye. Dalam hatiku cume ader kau seorang. Begitula kuatnyer cinta aku utk kau.

Tapi syg, kau ini sudah berkeluarge. Aku ini hanyelah insan biase utk kau. Aku hanyelah pertemuan dlm hidup kau. Aku tidak mempunyai hak ke atas diri kau. Skrg aku hanye dapt melihat kau dari jauh. Sygnyer.. dulu kite sgt rapat sekali.. tapi skrg. kite ibarat kan tidak kenal saper. aku sedih sgt. Seringkali aku dudok bersendirian di bilikku dan aku sering terkenang akan mase2 kite bersame dahulu. Aku ingin sgt merasainyer lagi.

Macam maner kau rase kehilangan, aku juge dpt merasainyer. Malah lebih utk aku. Aku tidak mempunyai sesiaper selain dari kau. skrg aku hanyer mampu menyimpan smue kesedihanku hanyer pader aku sendiri.

Herman aku akan tetap menyayangi kau sehingga bile2 pon. Aku ingin kau tau bahawe, seandainyer ader ape2 yg terjadi pader aku, aku ingin kau tau bahawe aku sudah memaafkan kau sejak dulu lagi. Malah aku sgt syg pader kau. Segale titisan airmate yg ku linangan mempunyai seribu hasrat yang ingin ku tempuhi. Tetapi hasrat2 yang ingin ku tempuhi ini hanyelah mimpi buatku selama2nyer.

Ya allah ya tuhan ku... Beri kan ku semangat utk menghadapi semua cabaran ini. Aku memohon padermu. Berikan ku petujuk ya allah. Tolong melindungi Herman dan keluargenyer. Aku mohon padermu. Maafkan segale dosa2nyer ya allah.

No matter how hard it takes, i will always bear the feeling of love for you in my heart. I will always love you.

im very down today.. very very down. i cnnt focused on anitink. even cik adenan was complaining to me on things and all i said was 'hmm', when i do not even know a single thing on wat he is tryin to say. i want to know his explaination. I want to know everythink. the whole day i was just sitting down 'sighing' scratching my head. i hate this feeling. its lyk im trapped sumwhere. i want to get out but i cnt! he is still not contacting me. i dun understnd why. i seriously dont.

Ee lee tried to cheer me up. she kept asking me to do things so that i forgot my sorrows. she make joke which she has nvr done before. i have great bunch of colleagues who understnds me.. im glad they do.. i tell myself. i need to resign. i need to.

How could you??!!!! U played with my heart.. u destroy my life, u destroy my future! u destroy everything...!! how could you?!!