Havent been slpin well tis past few days. lots of things whirling in my mind.. many things hav happen n i dun noe wat to do or say animore. i juz cnt solve it myself. ders no internet connection 4 me, makin me kinda lost to the outside world. i dun noe wens dad gonna get it back 4 me. coz he's kinda mad at me 4 knowing tat i stil smoke. fuck. im such a loser. ders no way i cn gain back the trust he had of me animore :(.. bt wateva it is, im tryin to quit. in fact, i haven been smokin since i came back frm nite cyclin.. ive made a vow to myself to quit.. firstly coz of my missing pouch durin the nite cyclin.. secondly, coz of faiz.. thirdly, coz dad's found out bout it. n lastly, coz one of my frend had been diagnosed wit nose cancer. n im kinda scared. so tats the reason.
life has been bout werk, werk n werk. nutink else. 12 to 8(cbtl), 12am to 6(mac). kinda sick now. cnt evn walk properly. juz came back frm mac now. n had to go cbtl lata at 1pm. bt i juz cnt get to slp. had too many drinks juz now. Faiz been accompanyin me while dan's in brunei. sux laa. im scared.. fear is always in me. waitin 4 dan to come back to tell him evrytink.. only den i'll get back my card, fuck he didnt call me tis few days. wonder wat he's doin.
Haiz. now, im so nt feeling good. afta wat happen at mac juz now. i noe frm the start tat goin back to mac will make me lose face. bt indeed, love juz conquers evrytink. i put a thick face n juz appeared back for werk. eversince den, crew's started disobeyin me. i feel so lose. i hate it so much. haven been werkin wit faiz yet.. not yet. juz so coincidence. coz dey had to put 2 CL's in the morning, 1 CL 4 mid-shift n 1 CL nite. Jessie n Ah Nah in the morning(always), Faiz in the afternoon n im always at nite. n u noe wat i hate it bout nite, coz u hav to close evrytink den open it again. it's so tiring. watsmore ppl juz dun listen to me. i feel as if i hold evrytink on my shoulder. wen i told them to do, dey always say 'OKAY! I'll do it. stop reminding me!!' bt in the end, they nvr do.. im the one hu gets the blame evry morning. im so sick of it. Jessie n Ah Nah were the ones hu always makes the fuss in the morning. saying tat i nvr do tis n tat. wtf.. i noe dey always look down on me. bt fuck u. i did all i could okay. i was the one hu wash all those grills. i DID evrytink. juz one small mistake n u tried to find mistake juz to hurt me. wtf. i noe i was wrg to juz leave mac lyk tat n i noe u guyz got the EXSA award. so wat?? big deal. uve nvr evn once werk closing.. uve nvr tried close the machines n open it again. u guyz hav been werkin for 15 yrs.im only 19 n i onli werk der 4 bout 1 yr. no doubt ive mastered it all bt dun expect me to be all perfect. ive lost my patience already till all of them say im very naggy. tats not me. im not tat kan chiong type. ive done 200+ orders today.. in juz one nite. nvr evn go for single break. watsmore i did closing. its putting me under pressure.
hurhur. i feel lyk cryin sia. only if faiz was der. he wld help me look afta all tis stuff. okie wateva. i feel better letting it all out. anw, 2day is so called 'laz day of werk'. 2nite no mac.. tmr no cbtl. my off day. i'll be goin down orchard to finish some stuff 4 tis sat. at the same time watch movie. i tink i need some time off. hahaha. one more trip der tis weds n all done. juz hav to wait for tis sat. alryte den .. tats all.. i'll update again wen i hav tym or shld i say wen i come across any int connection. hahaha..
wen to werk 2day wen i dun evn hav any schedule.. wats more im sick.. n on top of that, lots of things was dump on me.. juz wen i tot evrytink i do wld b a success.. bt well.. juz not my luck.. spend lyk almost 200 plus.. n it turns out tat evrytink was nt a success.. fuck.. didnt i tell u i was such a loser. life is nvr fair.. now i reali feel lyk crying.. i had planned it months ago.. lyk reali months.. tats hw sincere i am in frendship.. tats me.. i wld do it to any of my frends.. nt onli fiza okay?? planned unsuccessful.. adee was sick. i cnt blame anyone.. coz she's reali sick.. i juz cldnt tink of anitink.. didnt come to werk at cbtl coz im reali sick n i cnnt wake up at all.. nt evn move any parts of my body.. haiz.. nvrmnd.. now i juz cnnt slp.. nt excited bt im reali kinda heartbroken.. its lyk i lose in a big competition. i tink id rather go to werk tmr. it's not at all thrilling nor exciting to me.
n wtf my fon condem on me AGAIN.. i reali feel lyk fucking the NOKIA company upside down sia.. tis is notthe first time.. its alr the 3rd.. fuck im gona make a scene tmr.. IDCARE!!!!! coz of them, i cnnt use my fon tmr, i cnnt download pic of faiz on my fon.. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! tis is so irritating.. evrytink is on me.. plan unsuccessful..fon spoil.. n im sick.. evrytink is down.. im so fed up!!!
Hey. The name is Amirah. They call me Amirah or Mira.
NURUL
MY BABY BRO!
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